Dramatic chipmunk is a friggin prairie dog!

A couple of weeks ago this video started appearing all over the net labeled something like the greatest five second video on the net or something like that.

Pretty much over night the clip had flooded forums all over the world relabeled as "dramatic chipmunk" now heres the question i have, are there really that many dumb shits out there that dont know what a damn chipmunk looks like? Sure they are both some type of rodent but hell heres a chipmunk and here is a prairie dog. Im slowly seeing "dramatic prairie dog" videos showing up so i guess not every one is a dumbass. But it got me wondering are there really that many people who cant tell the friggin difference? Do the names "Alvin" , "Simon", or "Theodore not ring a bell to these people? Or better yet didnt anyone ever watch rescue rangers? come on people Chip and Dale. And before some assbag out there says its some type of non lined chipmunk heres the video the clip originally came from.

of course there are a bunch of remix videos now too........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJy-0Lw4Nak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJy-0Lw4Nak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4blDoSCp4Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_EskIE4zpI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXL7HflU1Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4s-9kSAO3rs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiloZd1H4ow

Whats with the LOLcats ????

There have been several trends on the internet that i didnt quite understand how or why they got so popular over the years. The first i didn't quite get was the whole "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" that came from the sega game "Zero Wing". Then there was the "I Kiss You guy", Mahir Cagri, didnt get that one either. Now its LOLcats????? pretty much pics of cats/kittens with cute phrases with them that are mispelled 50% of the time since as we all know cats are shitty spellers or they are written like cats speak leet. You know ive suspected for years that cats might be closet hackers so this would explain the whole speaking leet thing. Ive caught my cat typeing on the keyboard a time or two , sure cats want us to believe they are really just walking across the keyboard by accident but im sure hasdlkjsgfl;hk;.'';;l'5 means something in cat.

Ive seen these LOLCats off and on for years but recently they seem to be flooding the net in blogs or news articles. They are spreading like a virus on the net and mutating into LOLdogs, LOLbunnies, LOLhamsters and just about any other cutesy thing you can think of LOLporn might be next ewwww. Did we all just suddenly feel the need to see something cutesy? Hell they are now calling Saturdays caturdays for trading or posting LOLcats online. No one can say for sure the origins of these LOLcats but
im sure this trend will end like all other internet fads in time.

For now http://icanhascheezburger.com/ seems to have a pretty good collection if your into LOLcats

Why your e-mail inbox might make you look like your a midget clown humper on the prowl

Every day you see a new article about how the internet is leading people to problems in relationships or divorce. If ive read one article about internet porn, online relationships, finding out your partner is into gay bestiality while squishing gerbils with their chocolate covered clown shoes, ive read a million. But while searching through all these articles i couldn't find one that talks about the number one internet related argument starter, "SPAM". Yup good old unsolicited porn adds ones with subject headings like;

1. 
   hey , i really enjoyed you coming by my website last night


2. 
   I really miss you and im horny


3. 
   What she doesn't know wont hurt her


4. My friends and i would want you to come back over
   
   

The list goes on and on those are just a few i pulled from my e-mail today. Now say one day you forget to log out of your e-mail and your better half comes along noticed it goes to log you out and just what do you think is going to jump out to them like it was written in bold and neon flashing? If they have been on the net and signed up to a forum or two they will be familiar with these spam e-mails. If there not then the next thing your know a simple scan of you e-mail and your a pervert looking for some action. Heaven forbid you actually clicked on any of the e-mails that just makes it worse , now it looks like you read it.

Next they scan a little closer and they see the internet fetish spam e-mails with subjects like;

1. Look "your name" Hot teenage girls getting naughty like you like em



2. Hey "You name" i finally turned 18 come see me pleasure myself



3. Look here "Your name" we've got those tiny Asian girls midget girls you like


4. "Your name" the hottest gay midget clowns doing donkey shows you requested is now available

Subject headings in spam like the one above a worse then normal spam because they have your actual name in them, this really makes it look like you went looking for it. Of course if you other half reads just the headings there going to say " that sick bitch/bastard" and think your really into the teen girls or midget clowns. From there the we have the icing on the cake spam , the stuff that comes from online dating websites heres a few examples;

1. New hott friends and a New messages at your Megafriends account


2. Hey "You name" , you asked for hot new members. We have 6 of them!


3. "You name" , hook up with one of your 17 new matches right now


4. 10 HOTT new matches for your personal add click here

If you click the link in those e-mails you go to a web page that looks like you have actually set up an account. Great now your a teen clown midget humper on the prowl for a good time.

Now heres the real truth on how spam works the basic spammer mass mailing program just sends out every name in a baby book to your internet provider such as bob@aol.com , bobby@aol.com and so and so forth. They take the ones that dont come back undeliverable and put them into their good list, next its every name in a baby book with numbers thrown in like bob1@aol.com , bob2@aol.com, they keep going on out 8 digits or so until they have covered the possibilities pretty well and they too go in the good list. This list is where your basic non specific spam e-mails come from like the first ones i discussed.

The more specific spam e-mails the ones with actual names or details those are a little harder but those crafty spammers still get the job done. A bunch of different ways are incorporated here the easiest is stripping those damn mass forwarded e-mails you know the ones that are 4 pages long with forwarded addresses until you actually get to the damn subject! Most of those have your name listed like "John doe" johndoe@aol.com so now weve got a valid e-mail address and a name to go with it. So please start stripping those forwarded e-mail addresses before you send that friggin e-mail to save poor little Alison who is dying of cancer or the e-mail that gets me free Disney tickets from bill gates himself. Better yet just keep me off the list alltogether.

More complicated e-mail address miners are what i call forum leaches and these can be the worst if you have ever used a forum before. Generally in a forum you have to sign up and some require certain fields like location, birth date, sex , you name it. Forum leaches simple go to a website and start hitting the profile links of the forum for all the users, now they have , a valid e-mail address, a name, a birth date, your location and more. If the forum has an option of " dont allow other users to e-mail me" like the baddrink.com forums do i recommend you check it and it will block the leaches. Thats just a few methods use to get your email address and personal info there are a ton more, dont even get me started on spyware thats a subject for another day.

Spammers take this wonderful info and plug it automatically gets plugged into the proper fields to make a valid web link heres a breakdown.

1. To : "your emailaddress"


2. Subject: "your name hey" 20 people responded to your personals ad


3. Text: Hey "your name hey" you've been getting a lot of response on your looking for sweet teen asian midget personals ad , click the link below to see who all responded you clown shoe wearing stud.


4. The actual link: www.singles site.com/jibberish/"your e-mail address" / jiberish/ "your name" / more jibberish/ "your city"/ jiberish/ "your age or birthday" .html

Sometimes the link is that obvious other times your personal info has been replaced with numbers that correspond with a database at that website and it cross references the info when you go to the link. In the end you get a pretty little webpage with personal info looking like you signed up for the site, its called phishing , and yes some sites do end up getting new customers this way.

So just becuase your betters half inbox looks like a letter to dear penthouse or pedifiles weekly that doesnt mean they are midget clown humpers out on the prowl looking for action.

For this weeks tasty Tuesday i did an old camping dish on the grill with a twist, the first time i made this it didn't have malt liquor in it. I call it drunken hobo dinner....

Heres your grocery list:

1. 1 roll of tinfoil


2. 2 lbs of ground beef


3. 2 cans of sliced potatoes


4. 1 can of sliced carrots


5. 1 bottle of malt liquor ( like cobra a colt 45)


6. 1 1/4 teaspoons seasoning salt


7. 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce


8. 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper


9. 12 pack of your favorite brew ( to drink while your cooking )

Optional:

1. 1/3 cup sliced Onions


2. 1/3 cup chopped jalapenos


3. 1/2 cup of salsa


4. Maybe 1/2 cup of flaming hot Cheetos??

Take your ground beef and in a big bowl mix in your spices and then pat out the meat like your making hamburger patties. Make the patties pretty big to account for some shrinkage depending on what grade of beef you get they should be about half a pound per patty. Now tear off a big sheet of tinfoil and cover the patty with a half a can of potatoes and half a can of carrots ( and any optional ingredients ). Sprinkle some more seasoning salt and pepper on top of the potatoes and carrots or any other spices you want to add. Pull the corners of the foil up like your going to wrap it up like a Christmas present and pour some of that malt liquor in with it. Like ive said before don't even bother trying to do this with light beer because you wont get any flavor in the end , cheap malt liquor is the way to go. Fold the foil up so that the liquid stays inside the foil, i recommend you double wrap it if not triple wrap.

You should end up with four foil packs when your done and each one of them can be different so hey why not try four different types of malt liquor. And of course you have to drink what ever is left over, waste nothing! always remember guys and gals there are sober kids in India! Toss the foil packs on the grill on a low flame and close the lid, if your using charcoal you can just toss them straight into the bed of coals. Usually it takes about twenty minutes but its going to vary from grill to grill , it takes half an hour on my piece of crap grill. You might have to tear open one of the packs to make sure there done or just make a judgement call. Sure some of the potatjavascript:void(0)
Publish Postoes and carrots might end up burnt but hey crunchy carrots and crispy taters rock! Once your drunken hobo packets are done put them on a paper plate and you can eat em right out of the foil.

Sure they don't look the most appetizing but trust me there good. Its also a good idea to make an additional foil pack of just carrots and potatoes in case you need a little more to tide you over.

Ok the title of the story is really "Man breaks world hot dog eating contest record" but come on im not one to sugar coat it. America have we really sunk so low that we award people for over eating? There is a national eating contest circuit for gods sake, anyway this dumbass ate 59 hotdogs in twelve minutes and for this he won a free trip to New York, a year's supply of hot dogs and a $250 gift card to the mall. So lets see screwing up his intestinal lining , stomach, etc is worth a little over a grand to him. But hey he does get to walk around with his head held high and say " i can take more wieners in my mouth then anyone else in the world in record time." Maybe that might get him out of a speeding ticket some day like it did for Barbie Cummings.

Here's the full story:

http://www.zeenews.com/znnew/articles.asp?aid=375043&ssid=204&sid=LIF

oh and just for giggles i did a google face recognition search for the face of "wiener eater" and this guy did come up third he was beat out by number 1 some chick and this guy number 2
but fifth place came up as Marsha Brady. Id heard rumors about what went on the set but i never would have believed it was true.

The Google Gods are Heartless Bastards

Hardcore googler's discovered a new stalker feature in googles image search and from it i discovered the google gods have no heart. The new image feature is pretty simple , go to google.com and click on image search , type in someones name like say George Bush and you get your results and the url would look like this:

http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&um=1&hl=en&q=george+bush&btnG=Search+Images

If you add this "&imgtype=face" to the url and make the url look like this:

http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&um=1&hl=en&q=george+bush&btnG=Search+Images&imgtype=face

it will specify that google looks for images of faces. Also if you add &imgtype=news to the url it will trigger google to look for news related images which could actually be handy. This got me to thinking who does google consider the face of, like who does google consider is the face of the word dumbass. Pat robertson and the chick who tattooed golden palace on her forhead are in the top ten which makes sense to me but i do question why paris hitlon isnt ranking higher. Seeing Paris Hilton made me think of the word slut for some reason so i figured hey whose face does google consider the definition of the word slut
here are the results

My first response was shock i couldn't believe Paris wasn't at the top , hell britney spears only ranked 7th! My next thought who was this mystery girl that ranked number 1? She must be a serious ho to out rank Paris, so i had to know what she had done to get this honor. The image google had found came from this site http://home3.inet.tele.dk/hitower/child.html

The first words on the site are "In Memory of My Only Child. She had 18 years in this world." WTF? Its a page dedicated in the memory of some poor guys daughter, surely there had to be more to it so i read on. I thought the google gods hated me but from what i can tell they really havent unleashed their wrath on me instead i think they reserved it for this dead girl. Sure google hates me and thinks im gay but at least they aren't calling my dead daughter a slut! What the hell triggered her as the number one face for the word slut? With so much internet porn out there and
Paris Hilton wanna bees how did she rank so high? I must have missed something.

What must this guy have done to deserve this oh great google gods? Did he use yahoo? or was it ask.com that offended thee oh great ones? Hell even i feel sorry for him , his wife suffered from depression to the point of trying to commit suicide , and his daughter ended up starving herself to death. After going through all that and then you heartless google bastards pinpoint his daughter as the face for the word "slut"! Be wary internet travelers, you may one day offend the great google and from what i can see they have a dark side.

Upon a closer examination of the site i did see the image was named maya-slut.jpg so maybe thats what triggered google but hey ive taken thy name "Google" in vain already so screw em, its still pretty cold hearted.