Ahh the genny cream ale bounty

Doesn't it look wonderful in the Midge ( also known as the man fridge ) just ignore the two wine coolers there left over from the wife. Some may ask "wheres the food?" thats what our other fridge is for,that way you dont have to worry about that pesky food getting in the way of your alcohol storage. Sure there are cooler ways to store your brew out there but ill take my midge anyday. Anyway i couldnt wait to try one so ill have to admit i stuck some of them in a bag in the fridge at work to chill that way id have some cold ones to start with. Alas one of these fine cream ale soldiers went down on the drive home, i couldn't wait.

Did it tastes as good as i remember you ask? Well yes and no, it doesn't taste just like cream soda like i remember it but it does have that nice creamy froth to it like cream soda does. With my first glass i was taken back in time to that faithful day grandma began my journey as a beer drinker. Who ever said you cant go back was wrong, a few genny cream ales and i felt like a kid again. Theres only one problem now and that securing a steady supply of cream ale.

The Quest for Genny cream ale part 2

I got the call last night my coworker didn't forget me ,the genesee cream ale was almost within tasting distance. He had a hard time tracking it down , plenty of genesee light and straight genesee but cream ale seemed to be in short supply. Luckily after going to a few different stores he tracked down two twelve packs , the last two they had. The night he found it he had to try one , of course he figured he would try to convince me cases up there come in groups of 23. Before he left to come home he stopped at the local IGA and there it was low and behold a Genny cream ale 30 pack. Im picturing a ray of sunshine landing on it , with the sounds of angels singing in the background but maybe im embellishing it in my mind.

Last night i dreamt of swimming in a see of genesee cream ale froth as it flowed from the tap of a giant keg. This morning i get into work and he tells me he left it at home he would get it at lunch time that way im not tempted to crack one open before lunch.( Who is he to decide when my alcoholism should begin?) Lunchtime is almost over now and im sitting here patiently waiting for tonight i have a date with Genny.

The quest for Genny cream ale

Some people associate their childhood memories of going to see grandma with things like fresh baked cookies and getting their cheeks pinched, not me i think of genesee cream ale. If you live in upstate Ohio or any where in Pennsylvania and you've ever drank a beer your familiar with Genesee cream ale. If you dont live there then you've probably never heard of it but its the cream of the crop when it comes to cheap beer in that area. Every year we went to grandma's house a ten hour drive with me in the back of the station wagon with a ton of room to move around on the way there. On the way back i was squished between cases of genesee cream ale as my dad stockpiled his yearly stash. I slept with my head on a case of brew and my feet on another like some sort of drunken kiddy bootlegger, i grew to hate that beer over the years.

Every year that beer squished me and my hatred for that green can grew until the day of my fondest memory of visiting my grandmother .The time she let me have my first beer!!!! I was eleven or twelve years old at the time and it all started with her letting me have a sip .From there it went to me bugging the hell out of my mother until i got my very own can. I remember my grandmother saying " just go ahead and give it to him , its one beer it wont hurt, we drank it as babies in the old country". Holding that green glistening can in my hand was better then Christmas for me , i couldn't believe it i had my very own can of beer! The can even had one of those old pull tops which made it even seem more mysterious to me , more adult. Holding that frosty green can in my hand made me an adult that can now made me a man! As i remember it the taste was like cream soda, with each sip of brew the years of hatred towards it washed away. I was in heaven with my first beer, funny how all my fondest memories involve beer isnt it, i guess those memories are what made me what i am today. Maybe i can be a good father and recreate the same memory's for my kids.

The next year we visited my grand mother the first words out of my mouth where "dont we need to go to the state store and get some genesee cream ale?". A whole year had passed since my first sip so i was jonesing for another, it was all i could think about. Grandma was more then willing to give me the beer i wanted so much and now thinking back it was probably her way of getting me to fall asleep. A few years later grandma passed away so no more summer trips to PA. As the years went by the thought of that first beer and grandma faded to the back of my mind.

I hadnt thought about genesee cream ale or grandma in years until a coworker brought up his first memory of his first brew with his dad. So now its been over 20 years since ive had any genesee cream ale and my thirst grows every day. Luckily the same coworker that brought it up just happens to have been traveling to upstate Ohio this weekend to visit family. I sent him with a 20 spot stapled to a printout of the genesee label with the words "buy me" written on it. Hopefully tomorrow evening ill once again have my genny cream ale in my hands. Friday i got to thinking about the brew so bad i went out to the local liquor/party store in hopes of finding any cream ale at all. The only thing they had where little kings cream ale so i bought em, an eight pack of 7 oz bottles for around five bucks. Not a bad price but i wondered why the small seven ounce bottles? After the first sip i could tell why the small sized bottles. Has anyone ever tried piss mixed with beer? I would say little kings come real close to that combo, hopefully my memory of genny cream ale isnt that tainted.

America's wounded puppy syndrome and Thriller

Most if not everybody on the net has seen this video of Filipino inmates performing Michael jacksons thriller video.

Well a couple of days ago i woke up to some morning talk show , i think it was good morning America and they had some guy discussing this video. He did the usual blah blah shit about how many people have seen the video and how it quickly became viral on the net but he went on about how these where prison inmates. How many of them had been awaiting trial for years and how some where there for their political beliefs and how maybe this video will raise awareness for their plight.

Give me a break! Can we as Americans not see anything we don't need to save? Seriously is it possible for the media to see anything and not turn it into so sort of wounded stray puppy on the side of the road we need to rescue? Why is it that every time we find something that seems innocent and makes us laugh the media has to look for a darker side or how we need to help these poor people. Ive got a news flash for the media, we have innocent people in our jails too, we have people awaiting trials as well, we also have people imprisoned for their political beliefs thanks to the patriot act. So just why the hell do we need to look elsewhere? Sure spending my days in a jail making remakes of Michael Jackson videos, and scenes from sister act is pretty close to what i would consider hell being like and it does seem like cruel and unusual punishment. But these guys all look pretty healthy to me, none of them seem to be starving in prison camps or anything. Maybe its just me but im thinking these guys are a little low on the list of people we need to rescue.

I dont want to come across racist or anything like that im just saying if we have to go on a rescue mission maybe we should prioritize people. Lets see , people in our own country by default go to the top of the list, those who are trying to help themselves go next on the list. Countries where some leader is dressing up and playing Hitler and committing genocide go pretty high up there too. People who live in places where nothing grows that complain they are starving go on the bottom of the list. Throw all the rest in the middle of the list and make sure to exclude people who dont want help , you know the ones we tell how " we are bringing you freedom" and then they shoot at us.

its a vagina not a clown car

I know this is the second rant in a row to involve religion but trust me im not anti religion and thats not the theme i plan on going with on this site. However i just couldn't resist commenting on this .....

On the way to work this morning i heard on the radio that these dumbass's http://www.duggarfamily.com just popped out their 17th child. My first thoughts where great another "its gods will" or "god wants us to be fruitful and multiply" group of nuts giving birth to a new generation of nuts. A quick review of their site shows me its not just normal nuts its worse, seems they did use the pill at one point but she still got pregnant and miscarried. They now of course blame themselves for the miscarriage , they think god was punishing them for their selfish act of not wanting to spit out an unwanted kid. Of course they where outraged to find out you could get pregnant while taking the pill , how dare they take the pill they are Christians, they are pro life! Can somebody tell these idiots about the invention of the condom? Unlike the pill if you do get pregnant while using a condom theres no side effects in the pregnancy. Maybe someone should tell them if a little spills out you don't get half a kid.

To make matters worse they are home schooling these kids. Home schooling your kids just screams i don't want my kids to ever hear any opinion other then mine. Anybody ever see the movie The Waterboy
where Kathy bates keeps telling Adam Sandler that everything is the devil. I can see the whole Duggar family sitting around the living room as mom tells them to fear the outside world and how only god and her truly loves them. Yup, just breeding another possible generation of David koresh wanna bees if you ask me.

door to door jesus or jesus knockers

Sorry for the lack of updates but ive been working on alot of projects around the house which brings me to todays rant. This past Sunday i was minding my own business working in my side yard digging a drainage ditch when a SUV I didn't know pulled up with a couple of guys in suits in it. The guys got out and started heading my way and right away i could tell what they were door to door jesus salesmen. They just have that whole " I know im bothering you but its for jesus" look to them, a smugness all its own. These guys can obviously see im working im knee deep in a hole wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and im covered in sweat but that doesn't stop the jesus salesmen. Our conversation went like this:

Jesus Salesmen 1: So are you making the driveway wider? ( ive had some work done that looks like im making the driveway wider)

Me: Nope putting in a pool ( i really am but they couldn't see it from where i was digging so they might of thought i was being a smartass)

Jesus Salesmen 1: We dont mean to bother you or interrupt you while your working.

Me: Ok ( in my head i was thinking "then why the *censored* are you bothering me?")

Jesus Salesmen 1: We are just out taking some time to talk to people blah blah blah ( i pretty much quit listening at that point)

Me: Really wow.

Jesus Salesmen 1: Blah blah blah , with all the fighting thats going on in the middle east lately on the news people are concerned about rapture coming soon.

Me: Recent fighting in the middle east? You do know they have been fighting there for the past couple thousand years right? Seems to me it just made the news since we jumped in.

Jesus Salesmen 1: Yeah, but with all the recent wars and weather people are looking for answers.

Me: Ok ( in my head i was thinking "yeah i want to know the answer to why the hell your still here!")

Jesus Salesmen 1: Blah blah jesus, peace on earth blah blah blah we will leave you with this pamphlet to read and maybe it will answer some of the questions you might be asking yourself.

Me: Ok well ill get back to work ( in my head i thought " was i asking anybody any questions? Great i can use this pamphlet to wipe the sweat off my forehead")

Jesus salesmen 1: You have a good day and good luck with your digging

Jesus salesmen 2: have a good day and God bless

Several people might be thinking whats my problem? these guys where just trying to spread the word of God. Well heres my problem i lost 45 minutes of my time listening to their mindless chatter and oh yeah thats right i didn't invite these guys now did I? Now lets put there sales pitch in a nutshell:

"Hello , We would just like to let you know how we believe you should live and what you should worship if not...........well your going to die and spend all eternity in hell where your soul will be tortured by a big bunch of scary monsters."

Im not downing religion but thats the sales pitch in a nutshell inst it? Seems to me these guys pulled up on my property uninvited then started slinging threats at me , if eternally being tortured by some guy holding a pitchfork isn't a threat i don't know what one is. Now it would be illegal for me to show up at there house and say " if you don't drink beer like me a big scary beer monster will come and destroy your liver while you sleep" so just what the hell makes it legal for them? Maybe im looking at it wrong but i think the next time one of these jesus knockers comes to threaten me ill just pull out my can of Cthulhu whoop ass and send them on their merry little way.

As everyone knows its the week of the fourth so i figured i would try to make something that says " all American" . Hamburgers came to mind because what says "im a proud American" better then grilling some ground up cow carcass in a patty form. Of course i could cook up some veggie burgers instead but that would make me a communist free loving hippy wouldn't it. Every time i cook burgers i use different spices in them and maybe it was 6 beers i had drank or maybe it was the cheeto loaf that inspired me but this time i got creative and it came out pretty good.

Heres your grocery list

1. 1lb ground beef


2. 1 bottle of malt liquor ( i used cobra this time)


3. 1 bottle of fake bacon bits


4. 1/2 teaspoon of tonys seasoning salt


5. 1 8oz bag of cool ranch doritos


6. 12 pack of your favorite beer ( to drink while your cooking )

I would go into great detail on how to make a burger but if you dont know how to do that allready you probably have no damn buisness near a grill and i dont want to be resonsible for your injurys so go play with a sparkler instead. For those of you that do know the basics of how to make a burger all i did different is crush up some doritos and mix them in like a meat loaf. Then i added a handful of bacon bits into the mix and poured some malt liquor over the whole mess and let it sit and marinate for a while.

After you've let the malt liquor soak into the meat then roll the meat into four good size meat balls and flatten them out just a little. Ive had people pat out burgers for me before that pat them out so damn thin they fall apart the first time you flip them. Nothing better then burning your knuckles as you try to flip the few burgers that didnt fall apart as the other half of them burn in the bottom of the grill. The trick is to use your spatula to flatten them out after they have cooked for a while on the grill and that keeps them from falling apart. Here is the end result, notice the yellow chip chunks inside the burger.

Surprisingly bacon bits taste more like bacon when they are cooked inside a hamburger. Not only that the doritos kept most of their ranch flavor, it was almost like eating a corn tortilla with bacon. Im going to have to try this again but next time ill toss in some cheese, happy fourth all, now go blow something up! Because nothing says I love America like drinking German beer and shooting off Chinese fireworks.