As everyone knows its the week of the fourth so i figured i would try to make something that says " all American" . Hamburgers came to mind because what says "im a proud American" better then grilling some ground up cow carcass in a patty form. Of course i could cook up some veggie burgers instead but that would make me a communist free loving hippy wouldn't it. Every time i cook burgers i use different spices in them and maybe it was 6 beers i had drank or maybe it was the cheeto loaf that inspired me but this time i got creative and it came out pretty good.

Heres your grocery list

1. 1lb ground beef


2. 1 bottle of malt liquor ( i used cobra this time)


3. 1 bottle of fake bacon bits


4. 1/2 teaspoon of tonys seasoning salt


5. 1 8oz bag of cool ranch doritos


6. 12 pack of your favorite beer ( to drink while your cooking )

I would go into great detail on how to make a burger but if you dont know how to do that allready you probably have no damn buisness near a grill and i dont want to be resonsible for your injurys so go play with a sparkler instead. For those of you that do know the basics of how to make a burger all i did different is crush up some doritos and mix them in like a meat loaf. Then i added a handful of bacon bits into the mix and poured some malt liquor over the whole mess and let it sit and marinate for a while.

After you've let the malt liquor soak into the meat then roll the meat into four good size meat balls and flatten them out just a little. Ive had people pat out burgers for me before that pat them out so damn thin they fall apart the first time you flip them. Nothing better then burning your knuckles as you try to flip the few burgers that didnt fall apart as the other half of them burn in the bottom of the grill. The trick is to use your spatula to flatten them out after they have cooked for a while on the grill and that keeps them from falling apart. Here is the end result, notice the yellow chip chunks inside the burger.

Surprisingly bacon bits taste more like bacon when they are cooked inside a hamburger. Not only that the doritos kept most of their ranch flavor, it was almost like eating a corn tortilla with bacon. Im going to have to try this again but next time ill toss in some cheese, happy fourth all, now go blow something up! Because nothing says I love America like drinking German beer and shooting off Chinese fireworks.